just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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