Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
we should paint friendship bongs
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