'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
