One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
