remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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