I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
