He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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