Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
