He had one of those small greek statue penises
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
