Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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