who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
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