Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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