One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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