I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize