and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Randomize
