I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
