dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.