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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...

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• (336): View more from North Carolina

  Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.

  Fav 23 4309 1367

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract

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  21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?

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• (529): View more from

  Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.

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• (801): View more from Utah

  Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.

  Fav 4 1490 602

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• (903): View more from Texas

  I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.

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  27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst

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• (810): View more from Michigan

  It just smells like spaghetti and despair.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls

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• (248): View more from Michigan

  Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom

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• (208): View more from Idaho

  The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.

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• (443): View more from Maryland

  I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance

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• (212): View more from New York

  Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now

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