he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
I dont know to explain this.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"