he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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