I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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