The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
