Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
