i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Randomize
