were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
