Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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