i would punch a child for taco bell
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
