The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
