my soul wont recognize me after tonight
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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