Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
