I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize