maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
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