Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
