just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Randomize
