so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I understand Curling. That high.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
