Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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