i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize