So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
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