i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
