Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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