and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
