My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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