dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Couch. On fire.
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