what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
