rhymes with "ouble enetration"
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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