So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
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Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
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I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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