try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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