Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Pappa wants mamma naked
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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