at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
