i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
