A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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