Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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