god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Is it penis luge time yet?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
