The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
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