So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
