Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
