Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize