I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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