The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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