Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
