I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Just invented taco cereal.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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