no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
