I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
