Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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